I’ve called it numerous things in the past. A pursuit of excellence, paying attention to detail, just wanting everything to be the best it can be, but finally I realized that the best definition for my behavior was simply; being critical. The funny thing is, I hate it when people are critical of me.

My critical nature robs me of joy, every time. Other peoples criticism of me leaves me deflated.

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The pleasure of criticizing robs us of the better pleasure of unconscious delight
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Spurgeon helps us see that there is value even in friends who are critical.

So how do we respond to criticism? Should we respond to criticism? Yes, we should respond to criticism. However, its more complex than that. Sometimes we need to address those that are being critical and at other times we need to address the criticism privately with ourselves. The latter sounds crazy, but its the most helpful approach to criticism that I have found.

1. Respond:

If you are responding to the person who is being critical and addressing the issue, do so both prayerfully and with an extra measure of grace. Again, sounds crazy but most biblical responses are crazy. The individual being critical with you is doing so out of a lack of grace. The reasons could be numerous, but more often than not, its simply because they have never been shown grace. Take this opportunity to show grace to the person. Let them know how their approach made you feel. First, start with anything they said that may have been accurate and true. This introspection will help them see that your response is not knee jerk but a thoughtful response that takes into consideration what they said, regardless of how they said it.

2. Respond Personally:

Don’t respond directly to the individual. Sometimes its not helpful. The result could be more damaging that restorative and relationship building. In these instances still address the criticism but do so personally. Consider what the individual said and their background or perspective. Now ask if there was any truth in what they said. Do your best to remove the emotion and the delivery method. Surprisingly, there may be something that is incredibly helpful. Our ability to pull apart the truth regardless of how the message was delivered is essential in our personal development and applies to al areas of our life.

3. Forgive, Release, Act:

Act on what was true in the message and forgive and release the person that delivered the message in a hurtful manner. Part of our maturity both spiritually and emotionally affects our ability to forgive. Often, our pre-requisite to forgiveness is the other person being willing to forgive us or acknowledge their own faults. The best thing you could do for yourself personally, is truly forgive others regardless of how they respond or what they do. Finally, put in place a plan to change whatever the other person points out. Regardless of how you received the information, it’s yours now. So be wise and accountable to that and put in place the action steps to change what you need to.

Bonus: Don’t let criticism get under your skin. The poet Tasso says is well as he responds to his enemies speaking ill and criticizing his works:

“I am not disturbed. How much better it is that he speak ill of me to all the world than that all the world should speak ill of me to him”.

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