children – Joel's Travels

The Traveling Dad: The Pursuit of Consistency

Joel Muddamalle — Fri, 17 Apr 2015 04:50:38 +0000

As a kid I hated consistency. Actually, the more I think about it, I still hate it. But I know it’s good for me. It’s even more important for my kids. Traveling threw the concept of consistency for a spin for our family. There are times when Dad is not home for dinner or breakfast. There are times when he is. The night time routine can get changed, which can become a big deal for our kids. I learned quickly that I don’t read stories like momma.

We quickly began to see the toll that inconsistency had for our kids. The boys became anxious and began to question everything. Liam is the king of “but why dadda?”. At first I just got mad, then I realized that this was a symptom of inconsistency in his life. So why is consistency important for kids?

1. It builds a framework for them that they can rely on:

As much my kids fight the routine they need it. In many ways consistency serves as a safety blanket that they can rely on. Without this framework there isn’t anything that is anchoring them down. This creates a perfect scenario for them to start spinning out of control.

In fact, my inconsistency creates the opportunity for chaos in my kids life. @Muddamalle
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Kids need boundaries, they need guidelines and rules. Possibly the biggest challenge I came across as a youth pastor was the epidemic of parents that wanted to be friends with their kids and not their parents. Here’s a little secret that I found out. Friendship with your kids will come as they get older. If you focus on building a strong framework for your kids to rely on it will only result in a better friendship and further trust as they become adults. My mom never fooled around with me as a kid. There was never question if she was my parent or friend. Today, I enjoy a friendship with my mom, which is a blessing. Don’t worry, she still knows how to throw down on me if I need it!

2. It creates discipline:

Our pursuit of consistency results in much needed discipline for kids. This discipline is crucial for them as they develop into adulthood. As we focus on creating disciplined children not only will our kids thank as they become adults, but their spouses, kids, and bosses will owe us one!

While I was in New York I had a great conversation with the Hillsong NYC pastoral team. An observation that we both have seen is the expectation that teenagers and young adults have for instant gratification. They want what they want, now! Possibly a big part of the challenge is a lack of discipline and patience during their childhood. The best part of this is sitting back and watching our kids become responsible adults.

3. It facilitates an opportunity to make significant accomplishments:

I am constantly amazed at how much Liam (almost 4) and Levi (2) are absorbing. My wife Brittany recently decided to start working through a easy “teach your kids to read” book. She simply decided to consistently work through a page or two in the book each night. Now, when I’m home Liam reminds me that he has to do his “work” like dadda does work. So every night he grabs his book and sits with me and momma to practice his reading. Oh, and my 3.5 year old can legitimately read 15-20 words. Is it purely because he’s a genius? Well, yes. But more importantly is because of a consistent pattern each night.

Our kids have the ability to absorb, learn, and accomplish a lot. As parents we have the great opportunity to focus in on specific areas. This can look different for everyone. For some it may be reading, for others it could working on brushing teeth or cleaning up toys. Regardless, you can accomplish a lot simply by being consistent.

Finally, grace.

Give yourself grace. Please don’t take this post to mean that we have to be perfect. Inconsistency is part of life. Things happen, routines change, and life goes on. Give yourself grace, and remember to give your parent friends grace also!

The Traveling Dad: Will I Mess Up My Kids?

Joel Muddamalle — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 04:28:46 +0000

When Brittany first told me that she was pregnant I quickly went through the following emotions.

Shock – Excitement – Panic – Oh Crap.

You may have read previously that I am not necessarily a fan of kids. Now I found myself responsible for the life of this little human being. Not only that but I instantly fell in love. All of a sudden I had these intense affections for this gift of God. Then, I had the “Oh Crap” moment. The conversation in my mind went something like this.

Will I be a good dad? Am I ready to be a dad? Does being a dad mean I can’t play air-soft or Modern Warfare 2? Crap…what if I mess up this kid?

The fear of messing up my kids skyrocketed as I realized I did not have the luxury of working a eight to five job and home every afternoon. Being a traveling dad threw our entire household into a tailspin for a bit as we adjusted to this new dynamic. I typically found myself up late at night at hotel rooms thinking about my kids (its hard for me to sleep when I’m on the road). Sometimes my thoughts revolve around the future. What type of men will by boys grow up to be? What type of lady will they marry and bring into the family? How will they interact with their kids and wives? All of these thoughts hinge on the questions, did we do enough raising them?

Both Brittany and I realized a couple things quickly:

1. We have to be intentional with our kids – When people say your kids grow up in a blink of an eye they are being serious. I’ve tried to be intentional with my boy’s in a variety of ways. I’m intentional about commenting to my boys how beautiful their momma looks. This creates a standard for them as they get married.

In many ways my intentionality with my boys is an investment into their future outcome. @Muddamalle
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We intentionally talk about the goodness of God and why we love Jesus. I want my boys to always remember a love and affection for Christ. The greatest gift I could give my boys is a childhood filled with affection, wonder, and awe of Jesus.

2. Our kids foundation has to be the Word of God – If I am really honest with myself, my own wisdom, insight, and intellect is not good enough. It never will be. The best thing we can do for our Children is saturate them in the Word of God. I love Proverbs 1:8-19. Many parents and pastors love using this verse to point out the importance that kids listen to and obey their mother and father. I read this verse and am reminded that kids can only listen and obey when parents are faithful in instructing and teaching their children in the way of the Lord.

3. Praying is essential – Ultimately, our hope for our kids can’t be in our ability or skills. If this is the case we are all in trouble. As we realize that we don’t have everything under control we are left with our only hope being in the Holy Spirit. As a result, it is essential that we spend time in prayer for our kids. My mom spent countless hours praying for me, and I firmly believe that her prayers made a difference. In fact, as we turn to God we can place our hope in the creator of the universe who spoke all things into being. 1 Thess 5:17 tells us to pray without ceasing and Hebrews 5:7 points us to the example of Christ to prayed and was heard because of his reverence. Our prayers makes a difference and we can take hope in the fact that our God is good. I love that God is faithful and a good father. The scriptures are filled with this reality.

Will I Mess Up My Kids?

Yea, most likely to some extent, but I’m thankful that Brittany and I can turn to God who gives us direction and a hope not only for our future but for our children also.

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Don’t forget to read the first post of the series that covers discipline!

Helpful Resources:

These two books have been game changers for us as we jumped into this crazy life parenting 3 little boys!

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